๐๐ซ๐ ๐ฒ๐จ๐ฎ ๐ ๐ฆ๐ฎ๐ฌ๐ญ๐๐ซ๐๐๐ญ๐จ๐ซ?
Wait whatttttt?๐ณ
Yup.
I heard this term the other day and I LOVED IT - 1 because I have the humor of a 10 year old boy and 2 because after hearing the term and what itโs all about I am GUILTY as Charged.
โMusterbationโ is a term from psychologist Albert Ellis to describe the action of people living by a set of unrealistic demands that they place on themselves, others and the world.
For most of us these โrulesโ come in the form of โmustโ and โshouldโ statements. And sometimes they can be SUPER obvious and other times it might take some digging. The first clue - you feel bad, sad, anxious, worried etc. Some examples โI SHOULD be more successful,โ โI MUST be married by 30โ โI SHOULDNโT drink so much wine,โ โI must stick to my meal plan.โ
Another tip - look for words: never, ought to, canโt and HAVE to. We use these words on things that would be really NICE to have - โWine SHOULDNโT have caloriesโ but itโs mostly unlikely that it will happen. The problem is - we FEEL terrible striving for these rules we made up and itโs getting in the way of having the energy to do what you actually WANT to do and NEED to do to bring about the changes you want to see in your life.
OK - now that we know WHAT weโre looking for letโs chat how we can work on it and overcome musterbation (bold cuz I canโt freaking help myself).
Ask yourself - is this actually true? This is something I am working through with my therapist BIG TIME. Looking at things as FACTS. โI should be way further along in my business by now.โ Is there a requirement list somewhere Iโm not following? And I looked at REAL info - the names of ladies and gents who have trusted me with their journeys. The names of ladies and gents who sign up to be mentored by me. I look at the #s. The money I have earned which allows me to do this thing I love AND stay home with my babies. THOSE things make me believe that I am a FABULOUS coach and I may be on my way to bigger goals but for now I am 100% proud of myself. Weird - small tweak and I go from feeling like a failure to a fighter PROUD of themself.
Ask yourself - would you use the same statement to your daughter or your best friend? We tend to be the toughest critic on ourselves. Maybe give yourself the same leniency.
Rephrase the statement as a goal or wish - โI should be further along in my businessโ vs. โI want to rank advanceโ and therefore I can look at tactical steps to take to get me there instead of things I did or didnโt do in the past.
This is a LOT but I hope you got some ideas that you can take and be on the lookout for your musts because letโs be honest - you are creating this stress and anxiety over things that may not actually be truths. So go out into the world and try to stop yourself from musting โฆ itโs AMAZING how much can change with a few small word swaps.
Let me know how you make out!
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