I literally have NO idea what in the hell happened to me in the last two weeks...
I’ve had SO many people reach out to check on me (#lucky) that I thought’ I’d write a little about it here.
I’ll start with this. 3 weeks ago I had NO idea what Shingles was except “isn’t that something older people get?” Jokes on me…
Turns out if you’ve had Chicken Pox when you were younger the virus lays dormant in your system for the rest of your life. They’re not sure what exactly reactivates the virus BUT it tends to be most common in people with a weak immune system because of stress, injury or other meds.
So here’s where I’m like I’m the HEALTHIEST I’ve ever been - how the HELL did this happen?
Then I smack myself out of my positivity bubble for a second -> Sidenote if you’ve been following me for awhile you’ll know I am ALL about the positive mindset. It is NOT easy but it is a daily CONSCIOUS decision to be thankful for this life, control the controllable and throw the rest up “Jesus Take the Wheel’ style. Sometimes the downside of this can be you physically trick yourself into thinking positively because ain’t nobody got time to hang out in Miserableville.
Now it ALL makes sense.
Let’s rewind. I initially went into the dr because my glands were super swollen, I had this weird super small rash on my forehead and I had the WORST headaches EVER.
Dr: “I know you were sick last week but are you also in a stressful situation?"
I literally laughed out loud.
So like I mentioned earlier stress can be a BIG driver of awakening the beast…
I am a wife and mom (first and foremost) and we’ve been IN the thick of it with this retirement process. It literally keeps me up at night. Have you ever been in this place of purgatory where you can’t make you next move because you don’t actually have an accurate read of exactly WHERE you are RIGHT NOW?! Well that’s where we’ve been for the past 2 years.
Unable to plan - our life, our “next move” our ANYTHING. And as two people who are responsible for two little people you can’t even BEGIN to imagine the daily level of stress.
Throw that on top of being the #CEO of my own business, fitness instructor, daughter, friend etc. and I think my body just said “we’re done here.”
So back to the dr - after he said shingles I went home with expectations of Shingles...there was a peace of mind knowing the nuggets were up on all of their vaccinations.
Now HERE is where I win the lottery. In less than 2 days the rash had spread across my entire face and into my eye.
I was hideous and the headaches were FAR from tolerable - even with meds.
I head back in to see the eye dr. and instantly I felt like a chick on one of those horrible shows on TLC (YOU KNOW the ones I’m talking about). It had turned into a staph infection and he saw the virus trying to enter my eye.
This is when people started coming in and out of the room. THANK GOD #mrparker came with me. I was too busy crying - he was spitting the medical jargon he was too afraid to tell me at home.
So for the next 10 days I would be rendered COMPLETELY useless. I physically couldn’t do much of anything but crush an entire season of Vanderpump Rules. My husband and parents saved my life.
As a parent ALL we want is a few quiet mins (hours?) away from our kids. I have NEVER missed my children more and then when I saw them I scared them. Em would tell me she wished I was her “old mom” without that on my forehead… yeah me too kid.
After what feels like an ETERNITY I started to feel better and the first thing I did was a low impact workout. I am a creature of habit in ALL aspects of my life. I eat the same foods, drink the same wine, hang with the same friends, workout EVERY day - you get it.
I had been SO far out of my routine the damage wasn’t just physical. I had fallen into this depression - not leaving the house, not seeing my kids, looking like a monster, no endorphins going and nobody really “getting it” (and me not having the strength to explain it) - I felt alone. I felt sad. I felt frustrated.
I’m a health and wellness coach. I consider it my JOB to motivate, inspire and keep OTHERS accountable and here I was sad, depressed and OD’ing on pizza because “why not.”
After that first workout I IMMEDIATELY listened to my favorite PD “The Universe Has Your Back” by Gabby Bernstein. I decided I had taken enough time to feel the feels. I wasn’t going to let this thing hold me back any longer.
As FASCINATING as this thing has been - seriously I’m a weirdo and took a selfie EVERY day and the progression is MIND BLOWING - I’m proud of myself. I KNOW I got this because I was run down BUT even though I was run down this body went through a trauma and it fought off a real fucker of a virus and infection. (sorry Mom)
I will be on steroids for my eye - the virus did leave a little scarring on my cornea BUT luckily it’s only on the peripheral so it won’t (hopefully) have any long-term effects (although the light is currently killing me) - for the next month but you know what I have my vision.
I am grateful...
Who knows how long I’ll have this scar across my forehead BUT just a few short days after crawling OUT of this hole I had the confidence to cut bangs to cover it. Yes cutting bangs takes confidence - you KNOW what I’m talking about.
And I want to end on this - I didn’t cut bangs because I was ashamed, disgusted or whatever - I cut bangs because I kind of feel like this is a new beginning for me. I don’t need the reminder every day of the low I felt but I look forward to the happy reminder that although I was certain I would look like this monster and feel like death forever, I won’t and I didn’t.
Christine Caine — 'Sometimes when you're in a dark place you think you've been buried, but you'veactually been planted.'
And if you’re a weirdo and want to see the transformation pics holler at me - I am fascinated and obsessed with this entirely horrifying experience and want to share it with my fellow weirdos.