This post has been a long time in the making… pun intended. Baby Boy Parker’s ETA is scheduled for September 2015.
I have NEVER in my life had such conflicting emotions.
First - I am filled with pure, genuine joy...the kind that just brings an ear to ear smile to my face and tears to my eyes when I think about it. There are very few things I can be certain of but there is 100% no doubt in my mind, I was put on this planet to be a mom. The fact that I get to go through it all twice - I can’t even believe I am so lucky.
The second...nervousness. I am NERVOUS for EVERYTHING. Let’s chat em all out shall we?
I WISH I could say I was one of the lucky ones that got pregnant on the first try (hell even the 3rd, 4th or 5th try). We weren’t with Em and we definitely weren’t this time either. Don’t think for a second I don’t find the whole situation a little ironically humorous. You spend your whole life trying NOT to get pregnant and then when you want to - you can’t.
I digress, but with some help we eventually conceived. I think knowing how hard it was to GET PREGNANT (the bloodwork, daily appointments, hormone pills etc.) made me that much more scared it wouldn’t stick. I over analyze EVERYTHING. Every feeling is a possible symptom and a call to the OB. Knowing the issues I have, being blessed with one PERFECT child already makes me think - am I pushing it with two? Who do I think I am?
*How will this affect my coaching/instructing gigs? My big girl job seems like a lifetime ago but when you get pregnant in digital advertising (or most corporate gigs I would assume) there is no confusion - you work til you pop (I remember dialing in to a meeting from my hospital bed when my water broke with Em), you enjoy your maternity leave and eventually you go back.
My new life is EVERYTHING I have ever wanted, BUT there is uncertainty. How long can I continue teaching? I WANT to teach until month 9 but will my body agree? Not going to lie I am already noticing how HARD it is for me to breathe through class...if you haven’t noticed the additional adjusting I'm doing - now you will since I so nicely pointed it out ;) There is SUCH a difference between taking a class while pregnant (which is struggle enough as it is! Props to all the active Mamas out there!) and teaching. I am showing proper form, cueing, motivating, making my way around the studio adjusting, all while thinking - wait what was next? Damn baby brain.
And with coaching, I want pregnancy to make me a better coach, not be a deterrent or excuse. I am hoping there will be a few mamas out there that will want to go on this journey with me. People ask me all the time “How are you exercising everyday?” Truthfully - I’m afraid if I stop I won’t ever start again. I worked out EVERY day of my first pregnancy but that didn’t stop me from gaining 60+ lbs with Em. I'm sure nearly eating Massachusetts out of donuts and KitKats didn’t help BUT I was active. That fact was a big part of my eye opening realization that there is a HUGE difference between being active and being efficient. Blog post for another day BUT in fitness length of time does NOT equal intensity/impact of workout. Back then I would use the pre-core in my basement for HOURS and now I’m getting in 30 mins a day everyday (maybe more like every OTHER day currently) with a few studio classes a week. Truth moment - even 3.5 months pregnant most of my clothes from pre-baby are still too big. When I was feeling like a Macy’s day parade float the other day - this fact made me ECSTATIC. (The little things)
*This one may be a little superficial BUT to build off the last paragraph I feel like I JUST found my winning equation (nutrition and fitness ON POINT!) and I am nervous of the damage this pregnancy will do. I may get a little flak for this BUT I don't think I'd be human if the thought/concern didn't cross my mind!
That being said - Im optimistic! I think this being my second pregnancy paired with my newfound knowledge of what works for me makes me equally as excited to let my body do its thing and then work to get back to this point...heck maybe even better. Yes - definitely better.
Even with all those concerns I am BESIDE myself that I get the opportunity to bring another little blend of Mr.Parker and myself into this world. I have been an emotional mess (shout out to my support system for being so patient) but let me tell you - I had already gotten to a place where I had NO TIME for BS in my life, and this second pregnancy just solidified it for me - everything happens for a reason and I am one step further in cultivating this amazing, perfect life with my fabulous friends and family. I am SO thankful for every single one of you.
If our paths haven’t crossed yet and you want to chat fitness, pregnancy, infertility or whatnot reach out - I have a soft spot for genuine people. And if you’re also an expectant momma and want to take this journey together - having the healthiest, happiest pregnancy around, I would LOVE the company.