“Happiness isn’t something you feel.
It’s something you do.”
I won’t get too into it BUT I was recently asked by someone (who I considered to be pretty close to me) “you’re THAT happy?” (asked repeatedly as if I genuinely COULDN’T be that happy) and I thought to myself if someone who KNOWS me thinks I’m lying or living the highlight reel what do others think!?
And although I try to live my life not giving an F what people think about me - it’s been weighing REAL heavy on me because I haven’t always been happy and I have done a FUCKTON of work in this department and I wanted to share exactly what I did to get here.
A little backstory for anyone new here (and hiyee!) - At the ripe ol’ age of 39 I could go through a long ass list of life events that should’ve stopped me in my tracks - and truthfully they DID for a little bit BUT I didn’t like who I was when I was in this place. This is true especially during the years with the hub’s retirement process from the Fire Department after an injury on the job - we had control over NOTHING and spent our days thinking of thousands of questions we couldn’t answer…
“Would be we able to afford our mortgage?”
“What will we literally DO for the rest of our lives?”
“Would we have healthcare for the kids?”
“Will I have to go back to work”
And the biggest - will he ever feel good again?”
IT WAS ALL TOO MUCH. It CONSUMED me. I felt out of control and completely incapable of changing my situation. Recently, with the year we’re having, I see a lot of people in a similar situation and I wanted to share what worked for me because it’s just that - it’s work.
It’s funny because when we work on our health and wellness we don’t do one workout and expect to be FIT. We wake up, we workout, we eat clean, we get enough sleep and repeated overtime we start feeling good, seeing results and getting healthier.
It’s the same for our mindset, ; “Happiness isn’t something you feel. It’s something you do.”
So here are a few things that worked for me - take one, take em’ all or use them as inspo to get started - just know YOU are in control of your life and HOW you live it.
First things first - DECIDE to work on it. For me, during the process, I genuinely didn’t like how I felt; stressed, anxious uneasy - and know what that means? It means I yell at the kids more, Brian and I fight more and I was miserable. I realized I was REACTING to everything and it dictated my days and repeated over and over again really adds up. I decided to feel ALL the feels in my situation because thats unstoppable. We will always FEEL and THINK things, that is part of being human and we can’t control that BUT we 100% CAN control the second thought and the second feeling. I realized the majority of us spend our lives trying to CHANGE the outside world so WE feel better on the inside when we could just do the work on the inside. Happiness truly IS an inside job.
Ever said “I’ll be happy when I _____” Get the job, find the guy, have the kid…. That ain’t it my friend. That is temporary and looking externally will leave us coming up short continuously. So if it’s an inside job what can we do?
It IS the small stuff. Think about it - we spend our days saying things like “It’s too hot” ”ugh my job sucks” or even driving behind someone going too slow for us. I stopped allowing these trivial things to make me upset. Was it a quick fix - nope. It was realizing where my mindset was heading and intentionally stopping and redirecting to something more positive. All the “complaining” - it gives life to negativity and “Energy flows where attention goes” a la Tony Robbins
Flip the mindset. It’s SO easy to fall into a victim mentality when you see life as a series of unfortunate events that happen TO YOU. Life doesn’t happen TO YOU it happens FOR you. This was HUGE. Instead of wallowing in our uncertainty of those years - I decided this was happening for a BIGGER reason even though I had NO FREAKING IDEA what - I had blind trust that it was. I would remind myself “I don’t HAVE to do this. I GET to do this.”
Come from a Gratitude Attitude. I started taking pen to paper and WRITING down 3 things I was grateful for EVERY DAY. Ya know how you go to buy a car and then notice they’re everywhere on the road when you haven’t even seen them before!? Its like that - when we know we have to write things we’re grateful for we start to LOOK for good things instead of bad. Eventually you find a new habit of LOOKING for the good.
Feed your mind: I owe this to coaching. It is part of my JOB to read or listen to personal development. Sometimes its biz focused but more times than not it’s personal. That means taking time every single day to remind myself I am worthy of happiness right now. I don’t need a new job, a new house, a new ANYTHING. I am worthy RIGHT in this exact moment and YOU are too.
Lastly (and I’ll admit this is kinda messed up) PERSPECTIVE. Take a SERIOUS look at your situation. Is it THAT bad? Gary V in a podcast with Tony Robbins (you can listen HERE and its around minute 19) said it’s all about perspective. He takes a second every single day to think of his family being killed (told ya it’s weird) Does anything seem bad anymore? Drastic? Maybe. But the premise is the same. Tony also does something similar by bringing in people who have had some real SHITTY situations and turned it around like Kathy Buckley. She was born deaf, ended up in an accident and hospitalized for quite awhile and when she was out she was run over by a LifeGuard Jeep while sunbathing (like can this chick catch a break?!). She lost the use of her legs but somehow has used her experiences to focus on what she HAS and not what she lost. She is now a motivational speaker, best-selling author and comedian (shown on a majority of the top networks) that helps audiences understand their gifts, their peers, and their choices.
Did that bad day really seem SO bad? Nope.
And thats it. Can I say “that’s it?” Because it feels like a lot AND IT IS. BUT if there is anything worth it in this world it’s YOU and nobody is going to do it for you. And for me it came down to something bigger than me. First and foremost my family - they deserve the BEST me. I could wallow and focus on whatever shitty is happening or that 2020 has sucked the JOY out of life BUT that doesn’t put food on the table or give them a good childhood - I am far from perfect but I try every single day to be the best I can for them AND to give value to my small corner of the world whether it’s mindset or movement.
And I’ll leave you with a reminder from Jim Rohn “Every day, you have to stand guard at the door of your mind.” Why? Because what you let into your mind – your beliefs – creates the meaning that you give to everything else in life”
