Does anyone else kinda roll their eyes when they hear “Give Yourself Some Grace?” or are you normal?
Listen, I am a perfectionist and a fixer - an enneagram 8 to a FAULT. You could confirm this by asking my husband OR according to the Enneagram Institute, “Eights are self-confident, strong, and assertive. Protective, resourceful, straight-talking, and decisive. Want to be self-reliant, to prove their strength and resist weakness, to be important in their world, to dominate the environment, and to stay in control of their situation.”) These are all good things until you break your leg OR have to parent during a pandemic BOTH of which I’ve worked through in the last year and I thought I would share some thoughts/habits that have helped me when I found myself in a less than ideal situation or season of life.
I have 3 littles (11, 6 and 2) OH - and my mother in law’s child is 42. That being said we have a LOT going on - I was an only child so my fantasy of one day having 100 children played out SO nicely; everyone got along, they said please and thank you and there was SO MUCH LOVE. Now there is SO MUCH LOVE but there is also a LOT of time-outs, too much screentime and many rage whispered F Bombs.
As a mom we have always felt this “pressure” (to give each kid enough one on one time, to not forget crazy hair day, make sure the homework is done, have they had enough veggies WHEN was the last time I changed their sheets, have I taken soap to them in the past week) for lack of a better term and with the pandemic we were stuck at home with our easiest outlet (social media) showcasing Moms everywhere not only doing all the normal mom things BUT they’re also showered AND have a full face of makeup.
One thing I think this pandemic did for people was it made the highs of life HIGHER and the lows of life LOWER. I felt it and I reached out for help when I realized I couldn’t put into words what I was feeling - I just didn’t feel like I was doing enough, being enough. and my normal coping mechanisms (girl time, daily workouts etc.) weren’t working. My PC LISTENED to me and reminded me we are all doing the best we can and unfortunately we have nothing but time to question our abilities, contributions and our WORTH.
That week I met with my new therapist who is a GOD SEND. We started talking through my expectations and I am a true believer in everything happens for a reason because within the next few weeks I broke my leg, wait for it…
Going down a slide with my 2 year old.
Yup. I am a 40 year old collegiate athlete whose first REAL break was on a slide. I’ll spare the details but my 2 year old wanted to go down this COVERED windy slide and I just couldn’t throw him down there so in trying to be the “cool mom” we went down REAL FAST and my right leg decided it didn’t want to come with us.
So now it’s the middle of summer I broke my leg in 3 places and dislocated my ankle (read foot barely hanging on) needed surgery and not only can I not partake in the new pool we bought (hello pandemic purchase!) but I have officially “RUINED SUMMER” as my 10 year reminded me on.the.daily.
I thought I had nothing but time BEFORE this break - now I’m PHYSICALLY unable to move from the couch. Ok Universe - I see you.
Maybe it’s my experience as a Health Coach and Mentor but I knew this was the time I needed to actually walk the walk. In a situation where I was completely unable to control anything I needed to control my mindset and make sure I did what I could to help my family and myself see the good and that is exactly what I did - for the most part.
I started a morning routine. Every morning I would plug my earbuds in (remember my new home is in the middle of my living room) and before the house would wake up I did a 10 minute meditation and read for as long as I was kid free! I needed to made sure I was in the right mindset to take on the day. Ever hear that quote “What you feed your mind will Shape Your Future?.” Well I believe it and I knew even in the darkest of days my mindset was going to be the thing that made or broke me (so I did what all normal people do and wrote one of my affirmations on my cast! <—-) I want to note - I have never been a big reader BUT throw me a podcast or self-help book and I am GOOD. This changed when I was couchbound and I started moving towards books focusing on building confidence and incorporating healthy habits into my existing routine.
I tried to move my body every day. Now as a fitness instructor this was the hardest for me. What do you mean my body can’t do the things I want it to? The first few days I would focus on arms and as I grew stronger and more comfortable in my limitations I would add in some core work until I was completing full body workouts in a safe modified manner.
I started to LOVE my body. Weird right? Even though I am moving, it is a quarter to what I’m used to, so as my body is slowly gaining weight - I am becoming more in love with it. Perspective maybe? Before I would criticize every inch of my body - forget that I gained 65+ lbs with each tiny human I created, it didn’t matter. Why didn’t I “snap back” as quick as so and so or how come this last 10lbs won’t leave me!? Now I see this body HEALING itself and also allowing me to MOVE. HOW LUCKY AM I?
I became intentional with my time. THIS is the game changer and main takeaway of the last few years for me!
Do you Ever feel like you’re kind of on auto-pilot? Doing the things we “should” be doing because our doctor, boss, trainer, friend, favorite IG influencer told us to…Guilty.
It is literally my JOB to help other moms become the best version of themselves by pairing them with workouts, nutrition plans, personal development and a community of people to keep them motivated and on track - so these tools are in my pocket and I was doing them, but I learned doing them to check the box is VERY different from DOING them because I am aligned with what they are teaching me, making me feel and helping me become the person I want to be.
This was a weird thing to experience and even harder to explain without sounding like a tree hugging weirdo but here we go…
Are you aligned with the things you are doing - as a parent, in your health and wellness routine or in your relationship. Deep question right?
Does it make you happy? Do you find yourself looking forward to it? If not it’s going to feel like a chore REGARDLESS if it works for others.
Are you the type of mom who wants to have activities planned out - awesome. I tried that and it never ended up the way I envisioned and I always ended up yelling or forcing my kids to stick around. Sounds fun right? Exactly.
So I started to ask them what they wanted to do with me! It’s usually a manicure and Starbucks with my oldest while I listen to her talk about her new boyfriend (yup we’re there and no, I’m not ready to talk about it) or the day to day of her fifth grade friends. My middle is SO excited to SHOW me (I can’t take my eyes off for a freaking MINUTE) what he built in Minecraft or just sit and cuddle. And my 2 year old is more like let’s play and go outside. Once I took the expectations that my “family time” needed to look a certain way we ALL had more fun.
Similarly when it comes to fitness if you’re not excited to do it - you’re doing the wrong thing. NOW do not read that as it’s ok to be unmotivated. There are some days I would rather fold laundry than workout BUT I tell myself give it 5 mins and if you still want to quit you can. Here’s the trick - NOBODY quits once the endorphins are going. Want to lift heavy - awesome. Want to dance - GO GIRL. Want to go for walks outside - YAAAAAS. If you’re moving your body I AM HERE FOR IT.
Long story short - GRACE, to me, means we are in touch with what WE really want to do, feel, spend our days etc and GROWING means we are ok with it even when it’s not what society or IG deems as ‘appropriate.”
Life is hard enough my friend so let’s stop making it even harder. If you are at a point where you are not where you want to be or you look in the mirror or around your current sitch and think “this is not me” then it’s time for a real honest convo with yourself and where you want to be, how you want to spend your days and where you want to go with your life. And don’t you dare justify or pot down what comes out - funny story when I worked in digital advertising one of my bosses quit to work at the cheese counter at Whole Foods and at the time(I was 25 had all the time in the world) and thought she had lost it - NOW I look at her and think YAAAAAAS GIVE ME ALL THE GOUDA!
But honestly, Trust your gut, listen to that internal voice of yours and start to incorporate actions and habits of the person or lifestyle you want to live, ALREADY does.
Lastly, AND MOST IMPORTANTLY - surround yourself with people who love you for the unique individual you are; whether you feed your kids lunchables or homecooked meals, rock a 2 piece or prefer to wear a car tarp, YOU are YOU and that my friend is your superpower.